Now you’ll remember my friend who went to Mexico and met up with Montezuma, and his revenge. Well, I had another bud who actually tried to change history, his own.

My friend, Dick, grew up in a time when there was still a draft. A real military draft, not just registering and forget about it like now. Dick was about to get drafted out of college and so he joined the Air Force. He figured that would keep him out of the trenches. Unfortunately, for him, world events intervened and he was sent to Korea. Not knowing how long the conflict in Korea would go on, Dick decided that he had to find a way home.

Dick’s adventures never reached the level of “Catch 22,” but he did get creative. My personal favourite of his schemes was the ‘nuclear option.’ Here’s how it went. In the 1950s the world had a fresh recollection of the nuclear bombs that had been dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. All sane folks said, “We can’t do that again. That genie goes back in the bottle.”

That was the reaction of sane folks: the military had other ideas. There were certain B-52s stationed in Korea that had atomic bombs on them. Just in case. Of course all of this was top secret. You know: “A-bomb, what A-bomb, we ain’t got no stinkin’ A-bomb!” So, no one without a security clearance knew which of the B-52s had the A-bombs. The other thing was if you happened to see one of these bombs, it was a free pass out of there. Yup. See an A-bomb and go home. Well, that was the rumour anyway. Years later, when Dick related this story to me I asked, “How’d you know you wouldn’t just end up in the brig?” He thought about this for a minute and then smiled, “Guess I didn’t.”

So, every time a B-52 landed, Dick would sidle up and try to board it. Inevitably, an MP would round the corner and tell him to, “Move it!” He never did get to see the A-bomb. He stayed ‘til the end of hostilities. Once he was mustered out he became an animator. He never wanted to be in the service again.

That’s not the end of the story though. About 10 years later, Dick got a call from everybody’s favourite Uncle. Would he be interested in re-upping? “No.” “Well, what if we made you a Lt. Col. And put you in charge of our Hollywood studio.” The Hollywood “studio” was located in Laurel Canyon in the hills of West Hollywood. “Oh yeah, and you would have to go to U.S.C. and get an MA in Cinema.”

How could he turn it down? He’d retire off of this gig. The animation business was in the dumps at that time anyway. It was the time of Hanna Barbera and full animation had taken a dive. Dick could be in the Air Force for a few years and retire on a Col.’s pay.

Unfortunately, there was a war going that Dick vehemently disagreed with. He knew that he’d never see combat, but he could do something. Being the commanding officer of the Air Force’s smallest base did have some perquisites. Every time that Dick encountered a saluting subordinate he’d say, “At ease soldier. Now about this conflict in Viet Nam, it’s completely insane, don’t you agree?” The grunt could do nothing but agree with Dick.

Sometimes it’s the little every day subversions that bring us the most joy.